I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
