shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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