and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
