the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
