what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
