He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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