GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
