Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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