dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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