People with herpes should wear stickers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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