Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
