So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
