dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
