I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
