It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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