If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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