Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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