It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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