She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
