I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
