Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
