TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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