Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize