I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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