You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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