3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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