Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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