singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize