It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
