Have you finally orgasmed yet?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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