Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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