you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize