just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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