im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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