You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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