it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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