You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
