a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
