When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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