I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
