I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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