____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
