did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
