Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
