Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
