Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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