He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
