I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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