You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
