did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
