3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
