you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
