Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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