Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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