You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
