Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
