i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
