guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
