Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
