I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
